Monday, August 14, 2006

Which Announcers Does the Sports Guy Hate?

Last week the Sports Guy, Bill Simmons, wrote a column about how he would make sports better for everyone. There were a number of gems in the column but number 27 stuck out like a sore thumb:

27) My bosses won't allow me to say which six announcers I would deport to Eastern Europe, but here are their initials jumbled together backwards: WBMABCMJMTBJ.
So, who does the Sports Guy want to spend an eternity the former Soviet Union? Let's break it down.

There are six announcers SG doesn't care to listen to and he has given us these initials: JB, TM, JM, CB, AM, BW.

  • JB: The most likely suspect here is Joe Buck. SG hates him for always talking about the Red Sox curse in the playoffs. However, Buck doesn't work for ABC/ESPN/Disney so I don't know if SG's bosses would care if he named them. Other possibilities are James Brown, Jillian Barberie, Jay Bilas, or Jeff Brantley. Of those alternates I would choose Brown.
  • TM: Joe Buck's announcing partner Tim McCarver is the obvious choice. Many fans can't stand listening to him but he suffers from the Joe Buck fact that he doesn't work for SG's bosses. Other possibilities: the only one I could come up with was Tino Martinez, but he hasn't done enough, yet, to raise the ire of SG. Although, he is a terrible analyst/personality on ESPN.
  • JM: Joe Morgan works for ESPN and has a cult following wishing he would be fired. John Madden is the second best choice for his insane ramblings on MNF. Other possibilities: Jon Miller, Jay Mariotti (although not an announcer, he does work for ESPN).
  • CB: Chris Berman. No other possibilities on this one. If SG meant someone other than Boomer, I would be as surprised as Baltimore Colt fans the morning the team moved to Indy.
  • AM: Al Michaels or Al McGuire are the likely culprits here. My money would be on Al Michaels although I don't mind him that much.
  • BW: The one and only, Bill Walton. Walton is absolutely AWFUL. He was terrible as a Blazers announcer and now that he does the national games he is even worse. For such a great former athlete, he is quite the jock sniffer. He hasn't met a star basketball player he didn't like.

All in all, if my first choice picks are correct, I couldn't argue much with SG's selections. If I never heard one of these guys announce a game, my life would not be any worse and would probably be better.


Ben said...

If the Sports Guy ends up following soccer that list will have to get longer. JF, TS, and MB would be good candidates.

The Fan's Attic said...

JF- Julie Foudy?
TS - Tommy Smyth?
MB - Marcelo Balboa.

ben said...

Precisely. There are others, but I don't remember their names.

Anonymous said...

Al McGuire's Dead

Anonymous said...

There is nobody in broadcasting i hate to hear more than Joe Buck!

Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

Tino Martinez is a very poor announcer. He has very little command of his voice, which is not not pleasing to begin with. He makes matters worse with his almost laughable elocution. Just plain bad bad bad. Makes Michael Kay sound like a legend, which he isn't.