Notes From The Underground

On Monday I was driving home from my decidedly un-Underground occupation listening to a local radio station. Lo and behold, the local afternoon drive guy was promoting his “interview” with “Will from Deadspin.com” on tomorrow’s (Tuesday’s) show. I was stunned. Nay, shocked that the Leader of the Underground, Will Leitch, had risen from his spider-hole to see the light of day. I e-mailed the dear leader and he confirmed that he was, indeed, scheduled to make an appearance on “The Marconi Show” on KUFO 101.1. So, I decided to suffer through the banal dronings of said Marconi to hear the voice of Mr. Leitch. I just hoped he wasn’t as bad in stereo as Bill Simmons has proven to be.

After relentless promotion of the interview (truly, I couldn’t believe how much it was promoted), the station finally released the Underground’s message about sports. Here are the highlights (all times P.M. Pacific and brackets are my editorial asides):

4:47 – Intro…In response to a question about how he is, Will says he is magical. [I didn't know Will was the little Lucky Charms Leprachaun. Will sounds a bit distracted, maybe he's at a strip club.]
4:48 – Marconi asks Will what he thinks of the Kobe Bryant suspension. Will denies that he's a Kobe apologist and then a horn blares in the background. [WTF! Where is the leader? Obviously above ground. Maybe in a cab?]
4:49—At this point Will begins to lament the passing of the Deadspin SHOTY Barbaro and says the sportsworld is a bit depressed these days. First real joke of the day, "The horse is no better at reading letters today than he was yesterday."
4:50 – Continuing with the equine theme, Will wishes horses were roaming the streets and he could buy beer from horses.
4:52 – In response to a discussion about the prep wrestling team breaking out with herpes, the DJ asks “What is ‘prep’ wrestling?” [WTF…what a total moron.]
4:54—Deadspin correspondent AJ Daulerio is currently on assignment at the Super Bowl in Miami and has been updating loyal readers about his adventures. Will seems to think that AJ needs to step up his game and stop complaining about the hotel. In fact, AJ should be sleeping on the street and not in the hotel because he is, afterall, in Miami.
4:55 – End of interview. Marconi thanks Will for his 'magical' site.

What can we glean from the Underground Leader's message? I think he might have an unhealthy obsession with the equine family. Also, he expects more debauchery from AJ. I think we can all agree that would be a good thing. Finally, Will sounds much better than Bill Simmons' nasally whining.