Thursday, September 07, 2006

The Deadspin HOF Induction Ceremony...How It Went

One of my favorite websites, Deadspin.com, just turned one year old yesterday. In honor of the milestone, Will Leitch, the editor, created a hall of fame for Deadspin and allowed the readers to select the inductees. The ballot boxes have been stuffed and seven people/incidents have been elected to the inaugural HOF class. Here is how the ceremony went:

The Deadspin Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony is the culmination of one year of inappropriate jokes, sports voyeurism and unbridled commenting genius on Deadspin.com. Appropriately enough, the ceremony takes place in the Berea Public Library, the scene of Inductee Carl Monday's greatest work of investigative journalism.

To start things off, Will Leitch, the President and Founding Member of the Deadspin Hall of Fame walks onto the dais to call together the audience to begin the ceremonies but Chris Berman jumps up to the podium before Will and announces the commencement of the ceremonies. Will points out to Berman that Barbaro is in the audience wearing leather pants and Berman waddles off distractedly towards the legendary horse to work his magic.

As Will begins the day’s events there is a scuffle by the library entrance with loud cries of “I’m a combat vet!!” The illustrious Mike Cooper and his father are attempting to gain entrance to the library for Coop’s day of glory. But, Carl Monday and his moustache have ambushed the pair with microphone in hand and camera in tow as Mike’s mother drops them off in the minivan. Carl has brought along the police in an attempt to get Cooper into more trouble by tattling about his frequenting of a place where children congregate. As the two try to enter the Berea Public Library Monday begins asking pointed questions like “Do you still have sex with yourself, Mike?” After which Cooper’s father grabbed the microphone from Carl Monday and chucked it across the parking lot with mini-Cooper screaming “Get the hell away from me, Carl Monday!!”

During this fiasco Southeast Jerome and Coach Janky Spanky arrive late to the ceremonies and attract Mr. Monday. In a pre-emptive strike Jerome told Carl that he was only “willing to talk X-rated shit.” Looking quite pleased, Carl Monday began his badgering of the Portis crew.

Off in the distance some more shouting breaks out as Kyle Orton has fallen off the hoochie dais in a drunken stupor. Jen P shouted “Hooray, bear! And, hooray, beer…I mean Jack!” from the commenter section. Bleeding from his elbows, Orton slowly picks himself up, dusts off his neckbeard and congratulates himself for only spilling Jack Daniels on his shirt and not on the floor.

As things started to settle down and Will began to restore order to the event another ruckus arose in the women’s bathroom. People were yelling. Cries of “hurry up!”, “get a room!” and “whores!” cascaded out of the tiny public restroom. Word that Renee Thomas and Angela Keathley were re-enacting the scene that led to their induction spread like wildfire in the crowd. Because most of the people in attendance have the maturity of a 15 year old there was an immediate exodus to the bathroom and people circled around the scene like it was a high school fight.

The bathroom was complete chaos. Angela’s eyes were rolling back into her head and she was moaning and you could see someone kneeling on the floor of the bathroom stall. Above the din of the crowd you could hear someone yelling, “I got this! I got this!” In a purple blur, Fred Smoot sprinted from the back with a large French baguette in a bag yelling for people to move out of the way. Jen P yelled, “Run!!! You stupid fucking purple dinosaur!! Run!!!”

As Smoot approached the stall, he revealed the contents of the bag—a gold, latex, double-ended dildo. He pressed his way to the front and ripped open the stall door revealing the sex act Carl Monday had been hoping for. Carl and his crew had managed to get right up to the stall but his questioning only resulted in the girls saying that they had to pee and asked him to leave them alone. Carl kept asking if they were going to drive but received no answer.

Smoot slowly approached the duo like he was stalking wild animals. Creeping up to Angela and Renee he made an offering of the dildo and the two began to accept. But, Smoot shook his head and said “I’m gonna be operating the device today ladies.” Apparently, the scene wasn’t that interesting to some because Daunte Culpepper was shooting dice in the corner. Mike Cooper had been forgotten in the hullabaloo and managed to sneak back to the scene of his infamy, the computer near the children’s section in the library. He displayed his left-handed prowess and finally felt a sense of relief that he had made it back.

As the Berea police department began to clear the scene and things died down, Chris Berman approached the Carolina cheerleaders and uttered his famous line, “You’re with me, leather?,” with a bit of uncertainty, but he was denied by the boys in blue. Will, sobbing gently in corner because the day had been ruined, let a small smile creep onto his face at the corners of his mouth as the tears on his cheeks dried. Why? Because this is the only way the Deadspin HOF induction ceremony could have gone down.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Very good. I must say, wish I coulda been there.

Anonymous said...

forex ambush -
governmentregistry -
government registry -
healthy urban kitchen -
homebrew installer -
homemadeenergy -
home made energy -
instant article wizard -
jamo rama -
joyful tomato -
lose man boobs -
lower body make over -
maternityacupressure -
maternity acupressure -
maverick money makers -
meet your sweet -
muscle gaining secrets -
muscle gain truth -
natural cancer treatments -
niche review templates -
nyhms warcraft guides -
pappa pc -
pc booster -
pc optimizer pro -
pc secret formula -
pda flix -
privacy control -
publicrecordspro -
public records pro -
push button ecover -
reg defense -
reg genie -
registry easy -
registry genius -

Anonymous said...

registry smart -
registry winner -
registry winner download -
reverse mobile -
richard mackenzie direct -
rocket japanese -
rotator cuff training -
save my marriage today -
secrets book -
silent sales machine -
silver lotto -
spyware cease -
super affiliate handbook -
the 11 forgotten laws -
thebadbreathreport -
the bad breath report -
thedietsolutionprogram -
the diet solution program -
the power pause -
tmj help -
tonsil stones remedies -
top secret fat loss secret -
turbulence training -
twitter rockstar -
uncle sams money -
underground hypnosis -
vincedelmontefitness -
vince del monte fitness -
warcraft millionaire -
warcraft wealth -
warp speed fat loss -
webcomp analyst -
wedding speech 4u -
win back love -

Anonymous said...

your software website -
zox pro -
zygor guides -
500 love making tips -
acid alkaline diet -
acne no more -
advanced defrag -
adware alert -
adware bot -
affiliate elite -
anti spyware -
anti spyware bot -
article bully -
art of approaching -
auto pilot profits -
bbq book -
blogging in action -
body building revealed -
burnthefat -
burn the fat -
carb rotation diet -
chopper tattoo -
conversationalhypnosis -
conversational hypnosis -
cure for tinnitus -
debt free in three -
driver checker -
duplicate file cleaner -
earth4energy -
earth 4 energy -
easy member pro -
easy tv soft -
eatstopeat -
eat stop eat -

Anonymous said...

end your tinnitus -
fap winner -
fat burning furnace -
fatloss4idiots -
fat loss 4 idiots -
final sync -
final uninstaller -
firewall gold -
fitness model program -
fit yummy yummy -
flatten your abs -
forex auto money -
forex auto pilot -
forex confidante -
game tester guide -
governmentregistry -
government registry -
healthy urban kitchen -
higher faster sports -
homebrew installer -
homemadeenergy -
home made energy -
i am big brother -
instant profit machine -
i want a teaching job -
joyful tomato -
lose man boobs -
lower body make over -
macro virus -
magic of making up -
make money taking surveys -
malware bot -
maternityacupressure -
maternity acupressure -

Anonymous said...

meet your sweet -
moles warts removal -
money siphon system -
muscle gaining secrets -
my airfare secrets -
my miracle loans -
my out of control teen -
natural cancer treatments -
ovarian cyst cures -
pc optimizer pro -
piano for all -
prevent sweating -
privacy control -
publicrecordspro -
public records pro -
pvp bible -
quick article pro -
quit smoking today -
reg defense -
reg genie -
registry easy -
registry genius -
registry smart -
registry winner -
registry winner download -
reg tool -
relationship headquarters -
reverse mobile -
richard mackenzie direct -
rocket japanese -
rotator cuff training -
satellite tv pc master -
secrets book -
spy no more -

Anonymous said...

spyware cease -
survey scout -
the bad breath report -
thedietsolutionprogram -
the diet solution program -
the guru assassin -
the power pause -
tmj help -
tonsil stones remedies -
turbulence training -
two minute profits -
vincedelmontefitness -
vince del monte fitness -
warp speed fat loss -
web traffic machines -
wedding speech 4u -
wind plans -
xp repair pro -
your fun business -
zygor guides -
500 love making tips -
acid alkaline diet -
acne no more -
advanced defrag -
anti spyware bot -
art of approaching -
banish tinnitus -
beat eczema -
blood pressure normalized -
burnthefat -
burn the fat -
conversationalhypnosis -
conversational hypnosis -
cpa arbitrage -

Anonymous said...

creative date ideas -
debt free in three -
digital background -
dirty talking guide -
discus fish secrets -
duplicate file cleaner -
dw insider -
earth4energy -
earth 4 energy -
easy tv soft -
easy web video -
eatstopeat -
eat stop eat -
end your tinnitus -
error doctor -
evidence smart -
fap winner -
fat burning furnace -
fat loss 4 idiots -
final sync -
final uninstaller -
firewall gold -
fitness model program -
fit over 40 -
fit yummy yummy -
flatten your abs -
forex auto pilot -
gain opinion -
gold secrets -
government records -
governmentregistry -
government registry -
green diy energy -
healthy urban kitchen -

Anonymous said...

highest pay surveys -
holo think -
homemadeenergy -
home made energy -
i want a teaching job -
joyful tomato -
keyword elite -
learn photoshop videos -
lmt forex formula -
lower body make over -
macro virus -
malware bot -
maternityacupressure -
maternity acupressure -
meet your sweet -
microcap millionaires -
moles warts removal -
money siphon system -
muscle gaining secrets -
my list strategy -
my phone riches -
natural cancer treatments -
online tv pc -
panic away -
pdf creator -
peel away ads -
pips leader -
ppc web spy -
prevent sweating -
privacy control -
publicrecordspro -
public records pro -
questions for couples -
quick article pro -

Anonymous said...

quick paid surveys -
quit smoking today -
reg defense -
registry winner -
reg tool -
reverse mobile -
richard mackenzie direct -
rocket german -
rotator cuff training -
rss feeds submit -
satellite pc box -
save the marriage -
spy no more -
spyware stop -
super seduction power -
surefire trading challenge -
tattoo me now -
the bad breath report -
thedietsolutionprogram -
the diet solution program -
the dog food conspiracy -
the mini site formula -
tmj help -
tonsil stones remedies -
truth about abs -
twitter trick -
vincedelmontefitness -
vince del monte fitness -
warp speed fat loss -
wedding speech 4u -
win clear -
xbox 360 red light fix -
xp repair pro -
500 love making tips -

Anonymous said...

acid alkaline diet -
advanced defrag -
alpha male system -
amazing cover letters -
anti spyware -
anti spyware bot -
article rewriter -
art of approaching -
auto cash system -
burnthefat -
Auto Content Cash -
Banner Ad Blueprint -
Copy Paste Systems -
Every Other Day Diet -
Farm Ville Secrets -
Plugin To Green Profits -
Rapid Mass Traffic -
Tinnitus Miracle -
Tweetomatic Profiteer -
Woodworking 4 Home -
24 Hour Internet Business -
Blogging To The Bank -
Burn The Fat -
Earth 4 Energy -
Fap Turbo -
Fat Burning Furnace -
Fat Loss 4 Idiots -
Foex Auto Money -
Hemorrhoid Miracle -
Legit Online Jobs -
Magic Of Making Up -
Magni Work -
Micro Niche Finder -
Plr Article Software -